The Script in Our Mind: How Expectations Create Disappointment

Today, I want to share some of my realizations about how our expectations and the scripts in our minds can create unhappiness.

The Script in Our Mind

After turning 35 and going through so many experiences in life, I started to look inward—to observe my emotions, my expectations, and why I feel what I feel. What causes these emotions?

Then, suddenly, one day, I realized how my mind works.

Whenever I experience something, my brain immediately starts to form a script in my mind: how I want the situation to go, what kind of interaction I want to happen, and what kind of result I want.

And suddenly, I got it.

Maybe this is why I have never really been living in the moment and why I have experienced so many disappointments in life.

Because I was living in the script in my mind the whole time.

When reality doesn't go according to the script we created, we feel upset, disappointed, or unhappy.

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The Cause of Expectations & Disappointment

The script in our mind is often the root of our expectations.

Regardless of the actual situation, reality, or other people's feelings, once we have already created an expectation in our mind, it becomes very easy to fall into the trap of disappointment and unhappiness.

For example, imagine we just met someone, we have a crush on them, and we feel a strong sense of connection.

Then our mind starts creating a story.

We start imagining how the relationship will go, how we will date, what our future will look like, and maybe even how we will build a life together.

But the reality is, we have only just met.

The connection may be real. The feelings may be real. But everything that happens after that is still unknown.

If we don't create such a strong script in our mind, we can simply allow ourselves to experience the connection and see where it goes.

But when we want too much from a situation, our expectations can eventually work against us.

The more attached we become to the outcome we imagined, the more disappointed we can become when reality doesn't follow our script.

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How Do We Manage Our Expectations and Face Reality?

To manage our expectations, I think the first and most fundamental thing we need to do is to observe our emotions and the desires in our minds.

We need to learn how to separate what is true from what we want to be true.

Take the relationship example again.

If we face reality and choose to see the truth, we can acknowledge that the connection is real.

But a real connection doesn't necessarily mean it will become a relationship.

There are so many reasons why it may not happen.

Maybe they are already in a relationship. Maybe they are not ready for an intimate relationship. Maybe they are still healing from something. Maybe the timing is simply not right.

Any of these things can stop a connection from becoming a relationship.

And that's okay.

It could simply be a beautiful moment in life—a sip of sweetness that we get to experience.

It doesn't necessarily need to become a relationship.

When we have this kind of healthy expectation, we can truly go with the flow.

We can enjoy the moment.

We can enjoy the connection.

We can appreciate what is happening without trying to control where it will go.

If it happens, that's a gift. If it doesn't, we can also accept the result. And we don't need to turn the result into a judgment about ourselves.

It doesn't mean we are not good enough. It doesn't mean there is something wrong with us. It simply means that sometimes, things don't happen the way we imagined them.

And this kind of expectation can apply to almost everything in life.

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Final Thoughts

Life is more about the experience than the destination.

We experience. We enjoy. We learn. We encounter people and situations.

We feel happy, sad, disappointed, excited, and everything in between.

All of these emotions are part of the journey.

Only when we have experienced unhappiness do we truly understand how precious a happy moment can feel.

So, no matter what happens, maybe we can simply observe our emotions.

When happiness comes, enjoy it.

When sadness comes, feel it.

When disappointment comes, acknowledge it.

Let the emotions flow through us, but don't let them control our lives.

Maybe the key is not to stop having expectations completely.

It is to set the right intention for the experience, rather than trying to control the destination.

Set the right experience.
The rest are gifts.

If you find this blog helpful, brew some tea, take a pause, think about your own experiences, and if you, share it with us in the comments.