The Awakening: From Lost to Found Myself Again
The Mask of the 'Hard Worker': How I Found My True Self After Years of People-Pleasing
It takes a moment—a single, sharp memory—to realize the root of a life you've spent performing. For me, it was a sudden flash: I was 16, waking up at 5 a.m., sitting at a desk, pretending to study. My biological mother saw me from the window and gave me a hearty thumbs-up.
That was it. That was the seed of the great performance. The moment I started needing to tell everyone how hard I worked, precisely because I wasn't. The moment I lost the real me and started living as an actor, desperately seeking a spotlight of approval.
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🎭 The Two Lives: Before and After Sixteen
The Real Me: Unconditional Love and Natural Leadership (Before 16)
Before I moved back to my biological family, I was a different person.
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I was a natural leader, the kid who led the dances and sang solos on Children's Day, even choreographing my own routines.
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I was popular and brave, standing up for justice.
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My foster parents, humble, gave me unconditional love. That stable foundation was the only thing that eventually saved me.
The Shift: Seeking Love in a Rich, Cold Home (After 16)
At 16, I moved in with my wealthy biological family—my parents and siblings. What I hoped would be love turned into a barrage of "bullets." I was instantly seen as a threat by my sisters and became the default housekeeper for everyone. My bio-mother's hatred was palpable.
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The Dream Killer: When I dared to tell my father my dream, his harsh response ended the dream on the spot.
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The Mask Begins: To survive, I started to hide my spirit. I learned to be silent, to endure the tags and expectations, and to live the "successful" life they envisioned for me. The only light was my little brother, the only one who defended me.
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📉 The Descent: Shame, Guilt, and The Takers
The bullets didn't stop at home. I was bullied by classmates who mocked my curvier body. School was a battleground, but weekends were worse. I was shamed and forced to wait until the last minute to receive support money, always with a lecture about how I was financially burdening the family.
This created a toxic cocktail of beliefs:
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Shame in Asking for Help.
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Procrastination (because asking was so painful).
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Feeling Unworthy: They never celebrated my birthday, erasing a tradition my foster parents cherished.
I started chasing independence immediately. In college, I worked every weekend and holiday—cashier, waitress, salesperson—anything to stop begging for money. This desire for self-sufficiency was genuine, but the deeper wounds were already set.
The Magnet for Toxicity
The need for validation had made me a people-pleaser. Like a magnet, this weakness attracted takers: bosses who stole credit for my ten-person workload, toxic friends, and manipulators in relationships. I chased expensive things and always paid the bills, believing that giving more would finally earn me love.
This lasted for almost 20 years.
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💥 Hitting Rock Bottom: The Great Awakening
At 33, the carefully constructed performance finally collapsed. I lost everything: business, money, relationships, and friendships. Quietly, I moved to a strange country to heal, study history and psychology, and confront the truth: I didn't have a self. I was an empty vessel defined only by the validation I sought.
Lost and depressed, I asked the terrifying questions: Who am I? What do I really want?
💡 The Pillars of My Recovery
In the darkest time, three non-negotiables saved my life:
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The Body: Working out five times a week with fasting.
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The Mind: Unrelenting reading and studying, including finding a "virtual mentor" in my favorite author.
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The Spirit: Daily meditation.
As I slowly put the pieces together, the first crucial step was to cut out the toxic noise. I learned to recognize a narcissist almost instantly and to give my kindness with conditions, because takers truly have no limit.
I realized: The moment someone shows you disrespect, you should not trust them again.
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☀️ The Sunshine and The New Mission
The most profound realization came from the people who showed up during my hardest time: my foster parents, childhood friends, college friends, and strengers. They helped me not for my title or status, but for who I was.
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This was the light in the dark that told me I was worthy of love and help.
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I vowed I would never become one of the NPDs—they would not turn me into one of them.
My Healing Blueprint: Raising a Child
I started to raise myself like a child: loving, rewarding, and encouraging myself. I mastered solitude and found a deep, consuming curiosity about the world. I found new hobbies and slowed down to simply live in the moment.
The entire painful cycle, when I connect the dots, looks like this:
Toxic Wounding → Need for Validation → Hiding Talent to Please → Lost Self/Dreams → Attracting Takers → Cutting Toxic Ties → Awakening & Learning → Stronger Self → No Longer Needing Validation → Finding My Mission & True Self.
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A Message to Anyone in the Lost Period
If you are reading this and relating to the loss, the performance, or the pain of being used, I want to tell you: It is normal, and it takes time. Hang in and never give up.
Your journey is not a failure; it’s a necessary path. Start with small, happy things. Keep moving your body, keep learning, and keep reading.
Day by day, the small moments of enlightenment will build upon each other. They will eventually connect to form your true mission and the person you were always meant to be. You will stop living for applause and start living for yourself.
You will finally be free.
I finally understand the profound lesson of nature: like the flower, my only job is to bloom for myself, not for the world to approve. We want to share stories helping people reclaim their inner worth and light. May you also choose to blossom purely for yourself.
Share it with a friend who might need this, thanks for reading, I hope from now on, you will finally to live like a child, embrace and love yourself again.
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